Love

I went to meditation last night and for the first time in a long time, I feel connected to myself again. After many conversations within my heart and with friends, I am truly in love with someone but have come to the conclusion I won't be in love at the expensive of myself.
Love is all consuming and with the right person, it's a consumption that is a blast! If the people involved can't ground themselves in that love, then it's a nightmare.
I did some reading this morning and was curious about definitions of love. I went first to a dictionary and man.... there was a listing of 28 lines of different types of love and ways of expressing it! Then I went to an encyclopedia and again many variations on the theme of love from different countries around the world. Love of self to love of your enemy to romantic love. For my intent and purpose, I like this definition the best.
"A profound tender, passionate affection for another person. Sexual passion and desire."

This journey for me started with my mother's death. I was lonely, unfulfilled and had no love in my life. I am working towards all of these needs but love is the most important. Love ...I gave up on you at a very early age and I have been empty ever since. Now...I love this amazing, creative and passionate woman who is afraid Of opening herself up to all the possibilities in front of her and sadly, her inability to embrace all that I can give, that all life can hold for her and all the love that is out there had an affect on me. My neediness and insecurity has developed from some of this but mostly from wanting her to fulfill every aspect of the love I crave. I so ache for her to be with me. To take the ride with me. I want to trust her, love her and go on a great adventure with her but if she is not ready to let go of her previous life and I can't create my own happiness, the cycle will repeat. I can't force her so I will work on my happiness.

I know we will eventually talk. It's now been 3 days. Excruciating but she knew we needed the break.
I so want to hear the words uttered from her lips.....
I can only hope and pray, I am her choice. If not, I know now, I am strong enough to move on because I have only one life to live and I want to live it.