Midnight Special

Remember wolfman Jack and the Midnight special?
Tom Jones Gyrating on your TV screen....watched him dance...learned his moves
So young, always moving....learning
only remember memories loosely..feelings stay with me like shadows
Why don't I remember more of my past?
I remember photo clips of my life ...
click of the shutter, I remember her skin....his tongue
click....rough hands...boundary's crossed...couldn't say no....
click.....a moment of overwhelming shame...guilt...only did what I wanted
fuck the consequences....who I hurt
Click of the shutter button and 30 years later, my world is now a box
of same old, routines...excuses to not live...to not soar.
Is this what happens when you feel your life never had a purpose?
Click...clubs...dancing all night...such joy, freedom!
Click....eating junk food on weekends and watching movies...stuck in self pity and fatigue.
Click...Oh the kisses....the deep for hour kisses even before a hand cupped a breast..
I loved to feel their breath on my breath....my hands moving, feeling their soft skin...
making them ache to be touched where they are so wet...
Click....looking in the mirror...don't know who it is looking back at me now,
a shadow of that girl, that cocky boi....
I've lost her along the way to the couch,to the job, to the killer of dreams, routine.
I do remember this wasn't what I thought my life would be.
I thought it would have been more of a Midnight Special.