Lock and Key

The door so big and thick…. the cobwebs tell me I've been here for awhile…. Gulping the fresh air through the key hole… Such small breaths…just keeping myself barely alive. My jailer checks on me now and again… "Are you still alive", he asks? Barely I whisper….. I am weak and forgotten. When the door opens every now and again, I see light and out of reflex cower into a dark corner but now someone else appears… a warm and inviting pressence reach's out to me.. I sense her presence, her peace … I touch her hand, I feel such warmth, such love and I cower… for I do not know what this is.. I'm afraid… it's been so long since love has opened the door. She puts a key in my hand and gently closes it. She looks deeply into my heart… "When your ready…no rush… but soon. You have always been able to open the door". " It is your choice and no one elses. "You have the power to free yourself". She leaves and the door closes. I hear the tumbler as the door is locked by my jailer. I crawl to the key hole and take a bigger breath and now it begins.

Isn't enough

My heart touched your heart again and my heart skipped a beat. 

 Isn't it strange that there are certain moments that bring you right there again.. as if you never left!

 Thoughts all burst in on each other as memories bombard me.

 What if scenario's start popping up again...wishing... 

The darker part of my nature knows better. 

I haven't changed...I wish... I wish I could let go and be someone else but I am ...no one else.

 I have loved you so very deeply and you are always in my thoughts. My fear of the past, my fear of the future all converge. I think about the damage and the pain that was inflicted... I think about neither one of us giving an inch to be better... to be easier on each other...words flew around the room like on fire.. peace was always allusive, infrequent and yet....

I guess...there is still always... a wish...a want...a desire...for you....and only you. I could just be living in my head again. It's what I do. I have always had a lovely dream of you and I...

 but was never able to bring it to fruition.

 Maybe it was just to much work....one of us had to change, to adapt, be grounded. It just never happened so now...we both yearn for something from the other... 

Sometimes....sometimes...love just isn't enough or is it?