Bleeding

Exhausted by the ups and downs of my emotions.
Given plenty of advice as to what to do, what not to do but
I continually bleed.

She hates me now.
I hear it in her latest poem.
Bitterness and resentment seeps from her words...

I am all over the place and can't seem to stop
thinking about her...
It just has to get better, doesn't it?

I was at a dance tonight and watched woman slow dance
They looking into each others eyes,
hands of familiarity on each others waists, shoulders...so gentle and loving.
I sat watching and my heart ached and I almost burst into tears.

This is what I lost. This is what we lost.
I am blood soaked.

Half my life revolved around you.
When I speak to a woman who is attracted to me,
I compare her to you.

I text another woman as if it is you I am talking too....
missing those very texts I always complained about.
When I'm aroused I think I can sleep with someone else on a casual bases...
but then I become to pushy, to overly zealot, creepy and I feel like I'm going to implode.
The pressure inside is so..so..it's just not you.

My balls are cut off and even aroused, I can only think of you.

You permeated my very being.
I have to much time on my hands now...
No more weekends together or Wednesday nights at your apartment.
No more sleeping together even if it was hard...I loved you next to me.
No making you breakfast, kissing your lips...
I am torturing myself.

If the depression doesn't kill me, the loneliness will.
I can't even fuck someone else because of you!

I hate this place I am in.

Rough day

Having a rough day. Jagged and raw and no where to hide.
Remember the pipe cleaner rings I made? I found them while dusting...memories of that day flood my mind and heart. Almost threw them out but I couldn't.

Images of you making love to her flashed in my mind. torturing my every moment today.
Listening to Adele playing in the background of my life doesn't help right now
but I guess I want to hurt and bleed a little.
Isn't that what you do when your heart hurts? bleed a little? to get rid of it...get rid of the pain, the memories? To release and cleanse your heart so you can love again? Feel again..look at woman again? Fuck again?

Can't seem to sit in alone today...feel empty and painful.
Change the music...that's enough for one day.

Regret and pussy

I kissed those lips, sucked those nipples and touched your skin.I had my hands all over your body, licked your cunt as it dripped for me. You were my muse, my passion, my love.
I was your first.
Will you remember me when she kisses you? will you compare her to me when she fucks you? Will being with her break the spell of me and my smell, my touch, my eyes?

I too will have to do the same to get past you....
It will be someone else's touch I respond to. Someone else's lips I will enjoy and the sweet smell of someone else's skin will create new euphoria's and memories.

Will I get past you? I will.... but my heart will have an ache that only you had filled. A peace even in the midst of a tornado, I found with you. What an odd place to be...

It is time to dive back into new pussy's and new eyes. New smiles that make me smile and new touches that make me cum.

But you....you I will regret because you were mine and I lost.

Thousands to say just a thought beyond my scope,
A Moment to place a time captured in you.
Ramming my fist inside that cunt I have fucked.

You stab a place so deep and then,
Withdraw the knife and shove my heart, my face, my lust for you,
in a box away from you.

I paid for my sins infliction.
I rooted in a cellar damp and wet.
And find you hate me? Use me? Unplanned for me?

If this moment opened in your cunt and bleed for me,
I would weep red for my decision.
I planned for you, grew from you and now....

I am lost without the smell of wet pussy and soaps I don't know.
I am not away from you.
Speak in lavenders and extasy.