Relationship Status....

Single white female. Older lesbian seeking....not a dam thing!

I am self contained...content...breathing deeply from my cocoon of self love.
I am happy in my bubble for now. Scars are fine lines of a healed heart.
When I speak to my God, I don't ask for someone with a list of requirements anymore.
I ask my God...what do YOU think? Who do you think would suite me....put that person into my life.

I don't ask anymore for what I want.For all I know, I'm on the edge of a new adventure and I will allow in whatever happens to me and
welcome it with open arms.

Moving on

As much as making love was/is our connection and for 2 days we were us again, in our private world, our bubble, there was also finality.
You asked me if I thought badly of you because of things you said about Kate, about our little affair about you following your dreams in Barrie.

No is my answer. I feel...

It is what it is.
Do I agree to how you you pursue your life, that at times you settle because its safe, because you rationalize that what you are doing
with Kate is okay, that you are both getting something from the relationship? That she is an ends to a means but its okay because even though your not in love with her, you care about her, that maybe love her a little?

This is your life not mine. If you can live with yourself and be okay with your choices, then it is what it is.

It is not what I would have done. I find your convictions and character to be questionable...weak at times.
In saying that, I also know who you are. I know what you have done to survive a life full of violence, upheaval and no real family to ground you. That changes a person. That makes you a survivor no matter what the cost. When you had Deja, she came first and that was all that mattered.
I know what your life took from you, what your life taught you.....

So no....I do not think badly of you. Sad that the choices you make are choices a skewed by history and survival. Choices that are manipulated and rationalized in your mind and heart to achieve a means.... an independent life. Choices that stab at your heart and add more guilt. Choices that put a little more of yourself in that place that says, that its okay what I am doing, it's an end to a means.

I know the real you and if your life had been just a little more...settled? happy?,your choices would have been so much different. I guess, even I would have made different choices if my life had it been different.

So in the end, we cant change our past and the truth is the world is not as black and white as I would like to believe it is.

I believe because I know you so well and you know me, that understanding and compassion goes a lot further than being judgmental. It is the only way to accept someone and life.