The Waring Self

Pacify your inner dreams with sweets and promises but in the end
you have to look in to the mirror and see the truth.
I look towards the horizon with hope and promise,
syrupy drool comes from my lips.
She is the ugly cruel one...she keeps your sweet girl under her thumb.
Held for ransom from

what you truly want.

Life was simpler when you were high and drunk.
Immediate needs meet...living with my back turned...angry and happy all at once.
Fucking...and fucking...dancing for hours in my bubble of now.

Age and reality eventually seep in.
You cant live forever in a world of mirrors and glass.... can you?
I love life...I love breathing in and out but...
on those days when the ooze drips into my mouth and into my thoughts...
the old ugliness is there and pulls back my heart...
stepping backwards one step...it is a nuisance.

Self

Place your heart in my hand, I am there for you.
All the therapy in the world hasn't been able to reconnect you.
Breath in and out....centre yourself.
I am wise yet young...
I am old but youthful....
My heart is open to all this world has to offer..
It is as simple or as difficult as I make it.
I am there, standing behind you, beside you, I am there to protect and guide you.
I am love. I am your soul...trust that I will always catch you.


Prepare for bravery of the heart, prepare for the road you have not travelled,prepare for love
breath in and out....


If you let go, your life will be a happy one.

Slide down the slide then up again.
The roller coaster really hasn't stopped till now.
Sometimes I move forward, then back again.
Tired, angry hurt and more...
This is my one life...why can't I get the love of my life to understand?
It is so simple really but baggage, the past and the future complicate the spirit and direction.
Time to breath and meditate. Clarity will come.

Rebirth

A breath of fresh air has blown in and revived,rejuvenated me.
I kissed her lips and moved into her warmth,
I am home.
Her eyes dance when she looks into mine..she's looking for the hazel light
I am free...allowing myself to be...
Wanting her in every cell of my body and yet, renewed with a new calm and patience that
I've never felt before.
I am alive...she gentle smells me in and remembers... and I?

Love her.

Closure

My heart physically hurts...

I didn't think I'd be rejected...I believed with such confidence that she would pick me.

Acceptance was her key issue.

It didn't matter what I said.....the truth was too late as she had moved on already

and I wasn't aware.

She gave me the closure I wanted but not the closure I expected.

She saw the changes in me...she knew I was there for her but she just couldn't trust it.

Acceptance? she was right. In the past I wanted to change her, control her...the last six months...

I realized what a waste of my energy and how hurtful this was to her.

I am free of that burden. That lovely creature who turned my world upside down and taught me

so much...I ache for her.

I now have to move pass this lose. Move pass the regret and forgive myself for the hurt I inflicted on her and myself.

I am a wonderful complex passionate person that has just come into her own.

It is now time for the next chapter of my life.

I will so miss you baby. xxoo