Threads

I love you as hard as I fight you.
Strong, passionate woman with eyes of deep earth and mysterious depths
Warmth, strength, secretive waters.
I smell your sex and taste your cum.
aaah....

My hands try to touch you but only go through you.
Frustrated by the lack of same mindedness..
We don't share the same sensibilities...
I want you close to me and far away from me....
I am always overwhelmed by my feelings for you.
Be mine...all mine....breath you in...live...you...want you...
love me....love me....
go away


Fear...
such a small word with large consequences.

Can you fight years of conditioning??


I sometimes just like watching you when your eyes are closed and you are peaceful
The little girl you once were...on your face.

When you open your eyes, I see the seductress you are...sucking me in then
spitting me out....

I feel like your puppet...you cant control me! I fight back...

I would die for you...lie for you...cry for you.

succulent lips...so tasteable...bit-able...every part of you ...

I fear you...love you...love you...

I am and always will be yours , held by your finger tips...emotionally clinging by a thread....

Turmoil

I'm a mess.
Not sure if starting meditation again and ramping up my exercise routine is stirring my emotions but I am definitely a little out of control.
I have no idea how to explain how I feel.
One minute I'm happy and on course and the next feeling outside everyone,myself and oh so sensitive.
Words from Trish triggered me yet again. Felt rejected by a friend. Fear and anxiety motivated me to anger and meanness.
I know those qualities are apart of me. I also know that I'm not the only one in the world that grapples with their dark side but lately....
I feel like Hyde is taking over.

The more I meditate the more I'm feeling at war. Maybe that is what is going on.
Fear of becoming peaceful and happy? That's just insane!

For the life of me, I don't know why Trish stays. I am in constant contradiction and turmoil.
A friend of mine suggested that maybe I am going through a metamorphosis. Stripping away at who and what I have been.
and becoming....what?


Don't know ...all I know is I feel crazy and I'm definitely all over the place.


On top of everything...all I want to do is fuck!! I need to be close...to touch...to feel ...to smell to taste your sex.

My primal needs are bubbling to the surface to the point of madness. Extremely aggressive and consuming.

So yes...I'm losing my mind.

Jesus!