Turmoil

I'm a mess.
Not sure if starting meditation again and ramping up my exercise routine is stirring my emotions but I am definitely a little out of control.
I have no idea how to explain how I feel.
One minute I'm happy and on course and the next feeling outside everyone,myself and oh so sensitive.
Words from Trish triggered me yet again. Felt rejected by a friend. Fear and anxiety motivated me to anger and meanness.
I know those qualities are apart of me. I also know that I'm not the only one in the world that grapples with their dark side but lately....
I feel like Hyde is taking over.

The more I meditate the more I'm feeling at war. Maybe that is what is going on.
Fear of becoming peaceful and happy? That's just insane!

For the life of me, I don't know why Trish stays. I am in constant contradiction and turmoil.
A friend of mine suggested that maybe I am going through a metamorphosis. Stripping away at who and what I have been.
and becoming....what?


Don't know ...all I know is I feel crazy and I'm definitely all over the place.


On top of everything...all I want to do is fuck!! I need to be close...to touch...to feel ...to smell to taste your sex.

My primal needs are bubbling to the surface to the point of madness. Extremely aggressive and consuming.

So yes...I'm losing my mind.

Jesus!