Last Night I went to a 3 hour info session on volunteering as a mentor to a teen or other volunteering opportunities. One of the questions posed to the potential Volunteers was, were you able to leave your own baggage behind? If you have come to volunteer to exorcise your own demon's...DON"T.If you want to be a mentor to a troubled teen, can you be empathetic,be their friend but remember that their safety always comes first and not your own personal agenda?

Doesn't everyone have a personal agenda? Even under the qize of giving back? I think it would be natural to feel that if we volunteer our time, if we try to be better people and give back to the community that it might, just might gives us a free pass to heaven. That all transgressions we have committed, every mean or evil act we have done, for every insensitive word we have uttered, that it will be wiped off the slate of our lives and we are free of guilt.
For me, it's an ache, a longing to be a good person. If I'm going to be honest,I have not led a good life.I have led a very selfish life and a self destructive life and an empty life. I could have done so much for myself and others. I had so much potential and had so many opportunities come my way to be happy and full filled.I never do anything without a possible audience for I was one of those children.I wanted attention even bad attention. I had a volatile childhood and unluckily for me, never had a mentor and was left to flouder like a lot of these kids. I am not a complete person. I have spent the majority of my adult life afraid and insecure. No direction, no confidence and in and out of therapy, trying to "FIND" myself. Such a click word, don't you think? No one was there to teach me what I needed to live a full healthy life. I have struggled always to keep my head above water. Woe is me! and I can go on about my suffering and wasted life. "Yuck!"
So do I have an agenda? Yes I do. I may have not "Been all I could be" but another teen doesn't have to follow that road.It really doesn't take much except persistence(Which I am full of!) and commitment. Am I looking for absolution? Yes
Am I looking to heal myself? Yes...but not at the cost of a child's life. I will be a whole person because I am finally doing something for someone else and hopefully create a positive experience for them.