The dreams

I had a dream last night. You were laying across your bed in that ripped green dress I love and you spoke softly to me about starting over. I caressed your smooth soft cool skin as you spoke, hypnotized by the tone of your voice. You did not speak in frustration, hurt or anger but from a place of love and contentment. From a place of peace....and you drew me in. You spoke of forgiveness and that the only way to know for sure if we were meant to be together was to wipe the slate clean. That we should start from here, now and allow whatever is to truly happen to us, unfold. I moved closer to you and kissed your lips. So warm and full and inviting. I stayed there for awhile, loving you.

Then I had another dream. We were at some sort of dance video that we had been asked to participate in. ( This one was probably inspired by Glee last night.) :) We were not happy with each other. Too much pain, to much talk to much blame had clouded our love. We were just tolerating each other but we had to perform in unison for the video shot. I had to dance behind you moving a shear flowing piece of material to the music but our hearts weren't in it. It lacked energy and love. A young woman came up to you trying to help, trying to get you more involved and she did! Her energy, vibrancy, her positive attitude drew you to her and the next thing I knew, you and she were dancing together and doing such a great job, that a crowd formed around the two of you and my vision was blocked, I was blocked. I could no longer see you and I felt so far removed. I walked away, I walked home...collected my things and left.


I know that these dreams represent what could happen. The balance of positive and negative is teetering in either direction.

Last night, I was frustrated by what you said what you implied. That I didn't love all of you. Every line and flaw is a part of you. Would I like some things to change? Of course I would. As you would like some things to change with me. Am I too critical and judgemental of you? I think you may be right but I don't know how to stop it. It is not a reflection on you. I love you....I Love all of YOU! I think we are beyond talking now as we keep finding ourselves at a wall of frustration, anger and I feel defeated because we can't seem to get out of this circle and move forward. When I suggested therapy, this is what I would like us to get help with. We need someone to hear our dialogue and help us sort out this maze or the second dream could be a reality I never want to experience.

I love you baby. I would like the first dream to be our lives.

xxoo