I hate you

She texted me. She texted me and said she's sorry for how I feel but took no responsibility for lying to me. For falling out of love with me....for fucking up my holiday. No remorse really. Just felt bad that I was hurting. Sweet of her don't you think? I don't know why I'm so surprised or why she still hurts me so badly.

At first my heart jumped at seeing my phone light up and I knew it was her!
I could see the long text from a distance as my phone was charging and I almost ran to it in my excitement. My first thought was, " She's texting to tell me its all been a mistake. That I still love you..that I want you between my legs again and then...

Fuck...she's commenting on my pain from my blog. Telling me how sorry she is that I feel the way I do. She peeked into my hell and made a commentary about it. She says I don't know her heart.I don't. I thought I did but I don't know this woman anymore. Shes been all over my memories the last couple of days. Everywhere I go I feel her. Fucking hate this. I hate her.

Going to get a drink. Then have another. Maybe another...

I was out shopping today like I usually do on a pay day and I ended up at Pape and Danforth. It took everything in me to not look for her or to go to apartment and scream at her. "Look what you've done to me!?" I miss you so badly it hurts all the time. I want you in my bed....I want Venezuela back!! I want your mouth on mine and your cunt in my face. I want your laughter in my ear and your soft voice to sooth my soul. I want your hands on me and your eyes staring at me the way you do with such intensity that I always had to ask what your thinking.I want to hear you talk about you! There is so much more I want and I want and I want.

Ironically...I think the day will come when we do pass each other on the street and say hi in passing as I wrote so long ago.

I had hoped that writing all this down would be cathartic but as I was writing, you texted me. Then everything changed.Then it became pain and anger. Then wanting, then love. I hate you. I was trying so hard to change things between us. To bring the magic back, the love and you turned around and said..."I don't think It's there for me anymore". Absolute devastation. The way you did it was humiliating. Your way of payback I guess. You have always been a vindictive woman. You might want to look at that one day. I never did anything out of spit. Just immaturity and insecurity.
If you decide to continue reading my blog, the truth is, I have always loved you. I feel in love with you on our first date and I still feel you as if it was the first day.


I guess that's enough vomiting for one night.I sure as hell hope I get over you soon. Fuck!