Does she still love me, does she want to leave me for good? There seems to be a misery about her since I came home from house sitting. A tension... I feel so uncomfortable and stressed as it seems that no matter what I say or do...it's off. I'm acting weird as well. Talking about my physical ailments as if it's conversation. Trivial stuff, nattering to fill the gaps of uncomfortable silences and my body hurts and I'm starting to hide in my room for comfort and trying to obtain some sort of safety...is this part of the mental place I'm in?
Trying to find things to say as my voice goes up higher. I'm weird-ed. I asked her last night if she still wanted to move out in April. Got kind of a stare, then a I'm not sure, then "I don't want to talk about it. "
We are suppose to have a "play" night Saturday but her discomfort with me, may postpone it. Who wants to be intimate and playful, when things are so weird??
Almost every time she's around me or has to interact with me, there's very little eye contact or real desire to just be with me. A cat in a cage is not a happy cat!
I'm not sure what to do as shes not speaking to me about any of it. so I guess I'll give her space and see what happens. On the Levesque front, Trish is right that I have to get a handle on the junk food. Only had a kitkat bar last night and that satiated my junk food craving. Gotta stay focused. Trish did help in making me aware last night as I wanted to reach for chips out of reflex but because she's not happy right now...well... I just wish it came from a less critical place.
Sigh...life is not so good right now.
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