The Lie

Is it all lies? How can someone continual want to breakup with you and in the same breath, want to be with you? I've seen you put on that face for others when you are unhappy and sad. You put on that mask that says I'm okay...and your not going to see the turmoil I'm in. Do you do that with me as well? Am I just another obligation, another lie....another Mike.

Why,...why cant you just be happy knowing that you are loved and cherished? I flourish love on you like a blanket. Instead of feeling warm and safe, you feel caged and controlled. I am your biggest supporter no matter what you take on. I might question your motives and need to understand why but I will always be there. At times I feel like I am your enemy. The tension is always around even when I turn a blind eye to it.

Did you ever truly love me like I do you? You have written so many poems, texts and story's about me and most of them are about how I don't treat you the way you would like, how I have hurt you and how cheated you have felt. The only place I make you happy is when we make love. Is that true? Is that all you see in me? Do you only dwell on my failings? What I don't bring to the table?


Do you not know how I want to make love to you all the time? I want to take you places but even then....there is a barrier. It's my fault, I know that I scarred you...that you are not open anymore to new experiences. You just lie there with no passion or expectations. I wish ..I wish I hadn't made that horrible mistake oh so long ago.


Maybe the lie is that I am lying to myself. That all the wishing and optimism is just my way of hanging on. Hoping that you will just love me and be happy.
I don't know anymore.