Stop

I have been trying all day to figure out how to speak how I'm feeling with some kind of clarity. Some kind of inner understanding as to what I am feeling and what is coming out of me with out placing blame and being objective about what I want to say.

I have acted terribly. My challenge...difficulty... is understanding why someone like Trish wants to be with someone like me! What I mean is, is I am the type of person that is impatient, controlling and have a certain vision in my head due to my experiences in life as most of us do, which is defined by my past relationships, wants and desires that dictate to me to some extent expectations for my life.

Never in my widest dreams did I think I would end up in a place with someone yet again, where the cohesion that we both desire and crave has failed.

I haven't learned yet how to just be and let others be. I am not in a defeatist place but a place of reflection. Trying very hard to understand why the universe won't allow a certain amount of peace in my life. I know that choices have to be made for me to be happy.

Are my experiences and her's so dramatically opposite? What would happen if I just leave everything alone? I mean....don't push, don't pull...don't struggle..just breath.

Maybe it's an experiment I should take on.