When I wasn't so punishing to myself...or shut off from the world?
I fear I am my mothers daughter.
I wallow in fear and have lost my sense of adventure.
It's brutal trying to motivate myself to engage with the world.
It's one small step at a time...
Cramped inside this mortal shell,
dark and warm and safe...
I keep the world out....my friends at a distance...
always discussing, negotiating in my head, day after day....what I will do next.
Tomorrow will be a better day....tomorrow...I will wipe the slate clean...
Tomorrow I start over from scratch...all good intentions ...
Be kinder to myself...don't stuff food in those empty places...find my happy..
and every day I feel I have failed....every day...is just as hard as the last.
I sometimes wonder how much longer will I continue this?
When will I finally say its enough!?
Hamster in a wheel....every day I say tomorrow is a new day...I can create the change I seek.
Everyday....I fail.
No one sees this daily struggle. Would anyone truly miss me if I choose to leave?
Would I have left an impression on this world...on the people around me?
Did I make any fucking difference?
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