Over the years I have slowly extracted myself from living. I will never know when it started to fall away. Maybe a series of events and social venues I cancelled or my level of judgment about others became more pronounced around me or I just got lazy.
Maybe my unhappiness with myself was a virus.Slowly over time grew and infiltrated my very essence of self and extracted every ounce of joy from my life. As that virus consumed my cells, my life, I began to eat and never stopped. Weight gain was armour from unhappiness and fulfillment. Weight gain made me lethargic and I began to give up little by little. Weight gain allowed my immaturity to defeat the adult. IT WAS JUST TO MUCH WORK! because....I'm not worth it.
That misery...strangely...is a comfortable friend. Unhappiness is a virus that infiltrates your joy.it's slow and patient you never realize what has happened to you until your sitting at home on a Friday Night, eating a bag of chips and watching your life become minutes of insignificant moments. Moments that you will never get back. Moments of non essential seconds of an insignificant life. How depressing is that?! If it was someone else's life, I would have no pity. I'd be saying, "GET UP you miserable pathetic excuses for a human being!" No compassion or Love for another person suffering.I'd think to myself, so pathetic...not worth paying attention too as its their own doing.
Cruel and cold, no support whats so ever and that.....
is what I say to myself everyday.
Now what?
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