Morning Tide

It is undeniable that my heart is torn.
I don't remember a time when it wasn't...
I am never settled in my needs and wants
my emotions flow and ebb like the tide at dawn.
it does make it difficult to settle in one place ...to make permanent decisions.

I know who I am but the knowing doesn't always mean it is easy.
One day I feel this way the next...so easily changed.
I still thing of you, you know...I still think of all the others I have loved and lost.
An endless stream of memories that haunt my early mornings of insomnia.

Aging has become a book of daily memories.
I worry that life is never enough....and I will be alone always
I blame others for my dissatisfaction...I blame others that life doesn't fit.

I am happy but...like the morning tide, that changes daily. My feelings ebb and flow...
Reflection and melancholy are like old friends that come to visit now and again just to let
me know that yes....sometimes...most times...life is never enough.

I always need...want...more.

There is a strange sort of comfort in sitting by the shore...by knowing where it comes from...
by knowing this about myself....

As I write these words, others...friends, people I have loved and love now,
may read this entry and say, " That is why! I always wanted to know if there was anything else I could have done?"

The answer is no....it was never you.

The tide always moves in and engulfs my heart and mind and takes me out to sea.