Sexual Obsession

Nipples on my tongue,
sweat drips slowly...
eyes that search every inch of you,
soft places only i can find,

mesmerized by your lips as you speak..sigh..breath
obsessed with your scent as you cum,
legs spread, fluid moves freely..heart beat pounds..
my hands find your pulse.

move with me as I fuck you slowly...
our sweat slides me so easily inside you
rhythmic dance between lovers

look at me when I fuck you!
Feel me in your soul...
ache for what I can do to you...
anticipate.......release.

Memories Rise

My anger and hurt eventually subsides, it always does.

Things unfold as they do but memories haunt me.

I'm notorious for living in the past and everyday is a struggle but...

not a day goes by when you don't enter my mind and thoughts unexpectedly.

I can be doing my work, or riding my bike, or sending an email and my thoughts drift to you.

I am still hurt and probably a little angry that you lost faith.

I know i left..it was my choice. Arent you happier now?

You have what you wanted...someone that loves you with out challenge...that accepts you for you..

That looks after you...supports you...your a wife again.

It's funny how that anger, sarcasm rises. I feel cheated too. I wanted a partner that wanted what I wanted.

That wasn't always doubtful and scared and moody...you wanted someone I wasn't. I wanted happy too.

But these things are not what I remember most. There are things that broke us and there are events that shaped us.

I remember your touch at the oddest of moments...your lips...your eyes still haunt me and at night when I lay down to sleep,

you invade me.

A toast

It would have been Trish and I's 6th anniversary this past weekend.

We spoke before she went away for the weekend with her new girlfriend.

At times it is darkly surreal and inconceivable, that a year ago we were together and now the absurdity of where we are does make me smile in a dark sarcastic way.

We are different people now.

More practical than romantic. More realistic than passionate. We have goals for our lives now. More rooted in our own selves.

Happier that there is no more angst and pain. Happier now there is no more rejection, wanting or disappointments.

Maybe it's just safer, quieter to either be with someone who is gentler or to be alone?

I miss the very passion that drove both of us too insanity and to the most amazing heights.

I miss her laugh, her 12 year old smile, her sexy energy that she was oblivious too.

We really had so much going for us but......... it wasn't meant to be.

So I raise my imaginary drink in the air and toast to an anniversary that is sad and at the same time,

full of possibilities.

Happy anniversary baby. xxoo

Bucket list

I'm happier now...
Not so anxious..not so unsure....grounded in me...what I want...what I need.
I want a healthier you...less anxious...less unsure...grounded in yourself..
No more toxic people..drinking...over indulging in things that make me feel...
disconnected to my younger self...my healthier self.
I want to be with someone like that. I want to share my mirror with you...
a healthier...loving you.
My bucket list of love
Grounded in your own love and share with me
healthy mind ..soul...life...
breath your essence in and believe...
Let fear take a back seat..LIVE!
Structure, health, discipline....me.

It's not the same as sugar,
not as sweet....darker
The first bite is always the best,,juicy..dripping from my lips
Breath deeply the virgin air...I am and still are living...
placing my hands on your breasts...I hear oceans in my ears...waves touch ..
I've missed your sweet smells and your blossoms..
love me for I have missed loving you.

Mirror

Have I tricked myself in feeling justified..
Pacifying the inner critic for the moment.
Heard her most of Friday evening ..chattering away about how I failed...
What I could have, should have done. Why I wasn't good enough...same rhetoric
Told her to shut up but she had already done her damage. I heard her.

Why cant I see the truth? Why cant I just accept?
Move forward, one step back...punishing myself for what cant be taken back.

My beauty tries to emerge through the mirror...so close...so ...so...close.

Pushing through..my heart bleeds..then mends a little...I see the tears of blood fall gently to the ground..
A flower pushes through with each tear..eyes in the mirror...I see myself.

The Waring Self

Pacify your inner dreams with sweets and promises but in the end
you have to look in to the mirror and see the truth.
I look towards the horizon with hope and promise,
syrupy drool comes from my lips.
She is the ugly cruel one...she keeps your sweet girl under her thumb.
Held for ransom from

what you truly want.

Life was simpler when you were high and drunk.
Immediate needs meet...living with my back turned...angry and happy all at once.
Fucking...and fucking...dancing for hours in my bubble of now.

Age and reality eventually seep in.
You cant live forever in a world of mirrors and glass.... can you?
I love life...I love breathing in and out but...
on those days when the ooze drips into my mouth and into my thoughts...
the old ugliness is there and pulls back my heart...
stepping backwards one step...it is a nuisance.