58

Today is my birthday.

No fanfare....no one to share it with.

As I get older my circle of people has changed.

Today will be spent doing errands and maybe a matinee film.

I'm not sure if it is me that has chosen this life of solitude more out of disillusionment with the

human race in general or:

That I don't want to be disappointed anymore.
That I don't want my heart to be broken anymore
or that people just don't see me as a priority in their lives because I don't make them mine?

Or its just to much work and I don't care about the work.

Everyone is busy. Everyone has no time. What happen too time?

When did friendships become about not enough time?

It's to costly or I have other priorities and I can't just drop them to spend time with you.

or now you are reaching out because its your birthday!

Yes....I'm not good at maintaining. It doesn't mean I don't love my extended family.

It's the exact opposite but....I guess I'm not good at the reaching out part but when my Friends want to see me,

I usually make the time unless it's just to unreasonable or not doable at that time.

I will never be the maintainer. I need my friends to reach out...I need their contact.

I just do things....differently and I love them all deeply.

So as another year clicks into place and my 58th year on this planet unfolds, I wonder about my life,

my changing needs, desires and fulfillment's. Should I say I need them more? Maybe I just simply don't ask for what I need

and that...has to change as well.